The chains of the free. The home of the brave.

I have been hesitant about writing anything this NewYear. I guess it is because I have been contemplating the likelihood of repeating the same patterns in the never-ending cycle of what is my life.

I don’t want to be stuck in the same relationship drama or still fighting the same mental and emotional battles I have been fighting for so long now. I need change. Not a New Year’s resolution, prophecy or just hope of something better, but real change. I think there’s probably a lot of us who crave this exact thing – desperate for a fresh start but in a completely different place and a completely different self.

A better self.

A vibrant, renewed, healthy and powerful self.

I’m tired of emotional and mental health issues controlling my life or the lives of the people I love. Its almost impossible to live in this life untouched by minions of the heart and mind.

I press so hard.

I fight every day for peace.

I fight from a very broken place physically and emotionally.
No pretend here. No pretenses. No clenched fists. Just naked and bare when I write. Whether its about the most beautiful of loves or the random, messy thoughts in my mind, the message is authentic.

The love is real.
The pain is real.
The struggle is real.

These blogs are my journal. The story of my journey. Some days I write from my mental cage and despairity and other times I write when the cage seems irrelevant and almost nonexistent. I soar in my blogs to the most ethereal and beautiful of places.
I want more freedom. My soul must have it! No more revolving doors, I need real change. How does someone like me get this? How do I attain total transformation? Once attained how do I sustain it?
Some people make it look so easy. They want something so they go get it. Does anyone else struggle besides me in getting it?

God help those of us who are in cages in our minds; in bondage to re-live grief, regrets, fears and the same destructive patterns that seem unbreakable. I am talking about the kind that paralyze you.

So many are sitting beside the Pool of Bethesda on the edge of freedom but simply cannot get themselves there.
I listen to self-help gurus. They say things like, “No one is coming to save you, save yourself.”

People who are paralyzed mentally and emotionally are misunderstood and judged because masses of people don’t see how someone can’t get themselves into the pool for the cure.

Don’t give up.
I won’t give up on you.
Don’t give up on yourself.

One of the most powerful things ever said to me is, ”Lean on my faith, let my faith carry you, let my prayers carry you, let my hope carry you through.” An actual person said that to me! I can’t even begin to tell you how much anxiety lifted off of me when I realized that for a time I didn’t have to panic about staying strong so I didn’t miss my season. I believe there are those of you who understand me. It is you this blog is for. I am having trouble believing for myself right now, but lean on me. I will have faith for you. Let not your heart be troubled. Jesus told us this because He knew these tormentors would come. I don’t know you. But I will believe for you. I will pray for you and hope for you while yours is broken.

I am believing for you. 
Love, Jenny